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Journal of His Royal Eminence
Rygel XVI – Dominar of Hyneria
(currently in tragic and unjust exile)

(Note to snoopers: You've already learned many of the disgusting things I can accomplish with my body's organs and orifices. If I find you reading this, you will learn more. Caw matan?)

Aeryn had gotten herself abducted by Scarrans. We believed that they were taking her to a military base called "Katratzi," and Crichton had learned the location of the base. We proceeded forthwith to the appropriate border station to enter Scarran space.

Upon our arrival, Scorpius introduced us as spies returning to our Scarran handlers. (It would be difficult to mistake me for a common spy, but don't underestimate my acting abilities.) To our excited surprise, we learned that Aeryn was aboard a freighter docked for inspection at that same border station.

But the station, with its contingent of Scarran officers and Kalish functionaries, had tight security. Worse, the freighter had cleared quarantine and was about to depart for the even tighter security of Katratzi. Our Leviathan would be held here for several more solar days, at least.

Typically, Moya's crew panicked. All would have been lost had I not intervened. I vomited as only a true Hynerian royal can, then explained to the Kalish medical officer, Dr. Trayso, that I had suffered from Hynerian dermaphollica many years ago. He immediately suspected that I might be suffering from a relapse of the disease. Ah! How the nik-nik trembled! Dermaphollica is highly contagious, but it shows visible symptoms only in Hynerians. Other species, if they are infected, die without warning.

The quarantine was extended indefinitely, and all ships — including the one aboard which Aeryn was imprisoned — were held at the station. My share of the task accomplished, I settled in for a nap in the medical isolation ward while Crichton and the others plotted to finish Aeryn's rescue.

To my irritation, Trayso soon grew doubtful that I was actually infected. I had everything under control, but Noranti took it upon herself to prove my lie true. That fahrbot barkan gave me a real case of Hynerian dermaphollica! Everyone on the station was now at risk of infection, except for the Scarrans and Nebari (two species undeserving of their natural immunity).

Aeryn's rescue was going to hezmana. Sikozu struggled to access the station's schematics behind the back of Karohm, the station's Kalish operations officer. Crichton, meanwhile, attempted to seduce Aeryn's nurse with promises of a Sebacean cure for the disease. Intrigued, the nurse took him aboard the Scarran freighter. Crichton actually spoke to Aeryn herself before he was captured by the Scarrans. Scorpius covered for him, but both were forced to return to Moya without our quarry.

Everyone was scared that Aeryn might succumb to dermaphollica. Her captors were particularly concerned; they wanted her fetus alive. Learning of the Nebari immunity to the disease, those bartantic Scarrans abducted Chiana and prepared to transplant Aeryn's fetus into her.

I would have stepped in and solved everything, but my infernal illness prevented me. Noranti had taken me back to Moya, where she worked to find a cure. I bore my torment with stoic calm, excepting only those moments when I strategically stated my feelings to motivate Noranti. Did she show sufficient gratitude for my subtle leadership? I think not. Did anyone, for that matter, thank me for my sacrifices? No. Typical.

Then, just as that three-eyed feznik was on the verge of finding a cure for me, the Scarrans took Noranti to the freighter to help them perform the fetal-transplant procedure. I was left alone on Moya, and I was quickly slipping into unconsciousness. ... Why can't these yotzes ever do anything without frelling it up?