SCIFI.COM | Farscape: Journey Logs

Yo Dad,

Today I got myself and Moya and the crew in some seriously deep dren — but let me back up.

Doing her Unity thing to save Aeryn really drained Zhaan (see "Season of Death"). At first I didn't get how serious it was, but it only took one look at Stark's face to understand that Zhaan was in really bad shape, that she was going to die unless we did something quick.

As a plant-based lifeform, Zhaan needed to be buried in special soil in order to heal, so we set off looking for a healthy planet to plant her in. On the way, though ... yeah, that's where I frelled up.

Pilot found a wormhole. O.K., Moya found a wormhole, but Pilot brought it to my attention, and — stupid, stupid me — I suggested we take a detour and check it out. I knew Zhaan was in trouble, I knew it would put Moya and the crew at risk, but, come on, it was a wormhole, and for all I knew, Earth coulda been at the other end.

Except, BOOM! Next thing we know, this wacko alien ship comes out of the wormhole and shoots right through Moya like an arrow and gets stuck there. Moya and Pilot are telling us it hurts like hell, Pilot's nauseous and throwing up all over Stark's shoes, and Aeryn and I are trying some gun-barrel diplomacy with the aliens from the new ship, who can't understand a word we're saying.

We finally get a DRD to shoot up the aliens' commander with translator microbes, but by this point Pilot's unconscious and Moya's not looking too good herself.

The alien woman introduces herself as Pathfinder Neeyala, and she seems cooperative enough — she's a scientist and an explorer like me, and a bit more rational than our usual brand of "close encounter." She explains that both our ships are trapped in the wall of a wormhole — which is a really rough ride, and not where you want to be. Neeyala's ship has a device called a Phaztillion Generator that she says can get us out of here and back into real space, but first someone has to go outside the ship and figure out where "here" is by using this thing that looks like a melted Rubik's Cube and is supposed to record signals and images while we do a few laps inside the wormhole.

This is all my mess, so of course I volunteer and power-up Farscape One. Since I need someone small to sit behind me and hold Neeyala's gizmo while I do the Wormhole 500, I grab my pal Buckwheat — and I find out he's been causing trouble, too. He's unsealed the hatch to the last one of the cryopods, and now we gotta watch our last remaining Interion wake up, cough black goo and die.

Except this one — a chick named Jool — only goes one for three. She wakes up, then she disses me and Rygel and, when she learns her family is dead, belts out a Robert Plant-style screech that damn near knocks my teeth out. I can't deal with that, so I grab Rygel and set off in the Farscape module to help Neeyala calibrate her Fatso-Long Generator Doohickey.

Spanky and I snap some candids of the universe and Neeyala gets her phaser thingamajig calibrated, but by the time we get back Pilot is in pretty bad shape, and it doesn't look like he's gonna regain consciousness. Moya's literally falling apart from the stress of being in the wormhole, and Zhaan — every microt that goes by that she's not in the ground, she gets that much closer to death.

Wanna hear the kicker? No sooner do we get this gadget of Neeyala's ready to rock when she tells us only one of our two ships can survive the return to normal space. And with Moya frelled up like this, there's almost no way she can make it. So not only have I likely cost Zhaan her life, I've probably killed Pilot and Moya, too.

And it's my fault, damn it, for taking Moya off-course to go check out this frelling wormhole. Yessiree, dad: your son John Crichton's in rare form today....