SCIFI.COM | Farscape: Journey Logs

This is Ka D'Argo, Captain of Moya, Luxan Warrior.

"Luxan Warrior." Whatever that means. It seems like we're mostly known for hyper rage, which does nothing for our image. Any species that's known for being physiologically susceptible to blinding fits of violent anger is risking a bad reputation. That's why my Sebacean wife, Lo'Laan, showed me such a great depth of love and trust when she married me.

Why all the reminiscing, you ask?

Crichton, Scorpius, Rygel and I recently attended Master Katoya's Mental Arts Training Camp. According to Scorpius, Katoya could tell us about the creature that attacked Crichton's friends on Earth. (Unsurprisingly, Scorpius's real motive for getting us to the camp turned out to be different: He wanted Katoya to train Crichton to resist Scarran interrogation tactics. For some reason — I wasn't paying the best attention — this meant that Crichton had to be locked in a cage with hot coals. What's worse, I believe it actually was good for him.)

At our first class, as Katoya explained the rigors of our training in his TaskChairs, I recognized one of the other students: It was Macton — Lo'Laan's brother, the man who murdered my wife and framed me for the crime.

I wasted no time attacking him. He yelled that I was denying the truth about Lo'Laan's murder. Regardless, he still would have been dead, problem solved, if Katoya hadn't stopped us both. Apparently, the Master disapproved of his students killing each other inside his facility.

As Macton's scent filled my nose and fueled my rage, I really didn't care what Katoya did and didn't approve of.

At the next break, Macton cornered Crichton. He told Crichton his version of the "truth" — that I had killed Lo'Laan in a fit of hyper rage but couldn't remember it because hyper rage causes blackouts.

When Crichton repeated Macton's words to me, I couldn't believe it. First, because I'd learned to master my hyper rage by the time I got married; and second, because Lo'Laan had vowed to tell me if I hurt her — or even touched her — while I was in a hyper rage. She had never complained, and I trusted her promise.

But when I entered the virtual world of the TaskChairs for the first time, Macton's accusations were working on my mind. The frustrations of the game nearly overwhelmed me. I barely pulled back from my hyper rage in time. My self-control was more fragile than I wanted to believe.

Rygel said I should kill Macton and be done with it. For some reason — Fear? Doubt? Foolishness? — I hesitated to act.

Macton confronted me again. He was persuasive. My memories started to get frelled. What if Lo'Laan had lied out of love for me? What if I had hit her? I could almost see it. If I'd assaulted her once, I could've done it again. What if my final attack had left her dead and me with no memory of it? What if my Luxan physiology had betrayed me — and my beloved wife — after all?

Crichton still supported me, as I knew he would, but he was in the hot-coal cage by this point so he had his own problems.

In desperation, I went to Katoya. He was a great master of mental discipline; I had hoped he could help me learn the truth. Sitting down in the TaskChairs once more, we entered the virtual world. Katoya guided me as we began to re-create my past inside his virtual environment.

There was Lo'Laan, beautiful as ever.

In the memory, I hit her. After my hyper rage subsided, I told her that I'd blacked out, and I asked her if I'd hurt her.

She said I hadn't.

While Katoya and I were embraced by this horrific moment from my past, our bodies were defenseless in the TaskChairs. And that was when Macton attacked and killed Katoya. He had me at his mercy ... but trapped in my own mind, all I cared about was the bruise on Lo'Laan's face, the fear in her eyes — and the shame in my heart....