Scorpwanna’s Blog

I don't know what to put here…

Category: Entertainment

  • Why I Stopped Streaming On Twitch

    I could start this out by complaining that hardly anyone ever watched the stream, but that wouldn’t be a valid reason. The few who did, I enjoyed talking to. I could say the stream was repetitive, each night when I’d get off work, anxiety would set in, because I’d rush to get home to bathe, and hope I’d be able to start the stream in time. Though the work schedule changed, meaning I’d be getting home an hour later, this is still not a valid reason.

    My online persona is that of someone who isn’t really me deep down, it’s more like a character I portray. I saw a change in me and it hit hard, I felt I was crossing a line and was heading towards a form of Gang Mentality. I realized that I wasn’t actually enjoying streaming anymore, I was constantly running off viewers, because I wanted to please everyone. I kinda let it run wild in the chat with all the sounds and video clips constantly playing, (I’m no authority figure anyway). I understood that new viewers probably didn’t want to hear or see that kind of stuff (especially the FU Baltimore clip), but it’s like I just didn’t care and wanted to see a reaction. Would they get the joke and stay wanting more, or would they be offended and leave?

    Then there’s the need to sustain the energy capable of continuing to please and entertain that was draining me. My thoughts were becoming more negative (I suffer from depression), until I just stopped it. I disabled viewing of the clips, removed all information from my twitch channel and left it. I deleted the most recent videos saved and that was it.

    My thoughts started to lead me to my next phase, which was Discord. I sat around on it, voice chatting, messaging. See, every time the little red dot pops up when it was on the taskbar, it caused anxiety, I felt compelled to check out what new thing was posted. I’d close it to do something else on the computer, and then see the red dot pop right back up again. I muted channels to try and prevent this as best as possible. Until I just stopped opening it up one day. I kept thinking about possible private messages of questions being asked, current help I was providing needing more assistance with. I overwhelmed myself with too much thinking.

    I had been helping Aquathor with scripting his chatbot commands and OBS, it was stable, did what he wanted, he came up with some more interesting ideas. I didn’t feel as though I could continue to do that either. Since I had dropped streaming, and twitch is always ever changing how things are done with it’s API and other stuff, I wasn’t sure that I could keep up with the changes of constantly updating code since the testing phase consisted of actually live streaming. Testing upon testing, new features, changed features. Anxiety and Depression kept kicking my ass about it. I was constantly afraid I’d get an message on discord about a script not working. Anticipating a problem would occur every day, until I overwhelmed myself with that thought process as well. I just knew, something would need fixing, kept wondering what it would be. Tried to think ahead at possible scenarios, obsessing over it. See that’s how my brain works, when coming up to a fork in the road, I don’t see 2 choices, I see the possible choices of those choices. I left Aquathor hanging and that haunts me to this day as well. Imagine someone you rely on for something and they just dropped off the face of the Earth leaving you with the fate of the world on your shoulders. Giving someone a set of keys to a vehicle only that person knows how to operate. That’s ME, here’s the keys, good luck!

    In short, the routine that started from Twitch Streaming just became too much to continue. Obsessive Compulsion mixed with Anxiety and Depression. I know I’ve disappointed several people, responded to those disappointments as best as I could. Always thinking, I never did enough when I was doing what I did. Burned Out, I guess is the shortest answer. Hell even with this blogging, I’m sure one day will come where I’ll just stop that too.

    Know that it’s not a single other person that did this, I did this! I continue to do things that trickle into failure, which is why I have to be alone for long stretches of time.

    0
    0

  • Future Of Farscape Projects

    Many have asked me through comments and messages on Youtube when I’ll post more Farscape content to the channel. I was at the beginning production of the next one, but then suddenly I hit a wall. That wall was my frustration trying to find a sequence in some footage for said current project. I don’t want to give anything away about what it’s going to focus on, but I think it would be a good head scratcher. I had been having chatgpt try and help me with some searches, only to have it come up empty handed as well. Night after night I kept trying to find what I was looking for, until one night I just gave up to step away and cool off. Time away from the project turned in to sheer laziness. Then life stuff happens to put it off even further. I started finding other things to keep my brain active (when I actually had uninterrupted free time). Even if I found what I’m looking for, I don’t know exactly how I’m going to present it. I do have a mock-up of a layout I was planning though. I was even planning on a possible narration role in it. hrm…

    Perhaps I could just skip it for now and move on to another idea I have, who knows though.

    0
    1

  • I Actually Liked KPop Demon Hunters

    Generally I don’t watch many animation musicals, or have anything for musicals at all. In fact I’ve mostly stopped listening to new music for years now, because it all just seemed the same to me. When a co-worker recommended that I check out KPop Demon Hunters and told me what it was about, I wasn’t sure. It kinda sounded like Jem and the Holograms cartoon from the 80s. The weeks leading up to actually watching it, I had forgotten all about it every time I got home from work. My co-worker then wrote it down so that I wouldn’t forget.

    One night at home, I was wanting to watch something new, I thought, “let’s check out Netflix tonight”, and there it was. I figured, “okay” and started to watch it. The animation style was pretty sweet, not at all what I had imagined (no I didn’t watch a trailer first). The songs didn’t sound like some Disney mashup, it actually brought me in and in a good mood-set. The underline story and the plot draw you in, the action sequences were also very cool.

    The songs are very catchy, especially “Golden” (it now has permanent residence in my head!). I like the inclusion of some Korean lyrics within the songs too. If you’re not a native speaker, it makes you want to know what they are saying, so you keep listening to the song over and over. You eventually find the lyrics and have google say the Korean lyrics and you study what it sounds like, that way when you listen to the song again, you can understand the meaning and actually know the words being spoken. You know, rather than making up lyrics in your head to sound like the actual ones, you now can say them in your head. Plus, to see the differences in how language works in other cultures is fascinating to me.

    I was interested to find out the story behind the song writer for most of the songs in the movie, Kim Eun-jae “Ejae“. Ejae is a South Korean and American songwriter that experienced her own difficulties moving up in the industry. When I learned that she actually is the singing vocalist for one of the characters, I thought “that’s pretty damn awesome!”. From the few movies I’ve watched with singing in them, the actual writer never sings their own songs. She has a nice singing voice, from a raspy sound to high pitch.

    I look forward to more from this universe, and from what I hear more sequels are to come.

    1
    0

  • Why You Should Watch The Why Files!

    One night bored out of my mind, I’m watching random stuff on Youtube. To my right I see a recommendation for a video, the thumbnail, “creepy”, the title, “interestingly more creepy”, I click it. The video starts off with a guy staring at the screen with a goldfish in a bowl to his left. The Goldfish starts talking, interrupting the host which causes me to laugh. I wonder what this could be about, so I decide to stick around and find out…. I then learned, I had done myself a huge favor.

    What is The Why Files? I’ll sum up what it is in just one word….. AWESOME! What started off as a facts channel, turned into something amazing. Hosted by Andrew “AJ” Gentile (Actor, Writer & Producer) and co-hosted by a Goldfish by the name of Hecklefish Moriarty, AJ dives into some of the best Mysteries, Conspiracy Theories, Urban Legends, and more… You’re probably thinking, “Well, I’ve seen other Youtube channels that do that, what makes The Why Files so different?” AJ doesn’t just tell the stories, he fact checks them too! He gets to the nitty gritty of research to find out just how much of it is true, debunking them if he can. In other words, he hooks you with the story, then rips the carpet out from under your feet with factual data. (Personally my favorite part of the videos.)

    Waiting from his bowl for the perfect moment to chime in, Hecklefish is ready with the jokes. AJ can be in the middle of an in depth part in the story, he’ll say the right thing (example: “white powdery substance”) and Hecklefish will interrupt with a joke about nose candy. It will have you rolling on the floor. AJ will look at Hecklefish with the “you just seriously said that…” look of disappointment. Comedy GOLD right there! I especially like when Hecklefish will start talking about his personal life and go completely off the rails of the story. AJ will stop him and get back into the main story. Some people don’t appreciate the Hecklefish character, but it makes for a great laugh. Those people are just too serious!

    The production style is a chef’s kiss as well. From the way he presents the story telling, all the way to the visual aids, you’ll feel like you’re watching an investigative documentary on a Network Television Station. There are not enough people who know what extremes a person can go through to make top notch quality like The Why Files. To add to the production, there are even Audio versions of episodes on Spotify called “The Why Files: Operation Podcast“. The interaction with fans is great too. On some nights there is a type of after party called “The After Files”, where you can hang out with AJ and the team and discuss even more interesting topics, (LOOK’n at you Gino!)

    I recommend checking out The Why Files Discord server as well. I, myself, have a few pieces of merch from The Why Files official website. No, I was not asked to promote it, I’m just very passionate about The Why Files. So, check the Youtube channel out! As AJ mentions in every episode “be safe, be kind, and know that you are appreciated“.

    1
    0